Beautiful. Sexy. Gorgeous. Spunky
Words I strive to have in my daily vocabulary at the moment. Words I know are me, but at times feel strained. Forced. Something that I have to remind myself of, as the actual feeling in my body (and my wardrobe!) doesn’t always reflect them.
My body is changing again. Again! Round three of stretching, growing, changing, forming has began in earnest this week, and the corresponding acceptance of all the changes is also well underway.
The rollercoaster of feeling like a glowing Mama-to-be, the true picture of Mother Earth in all its intended glory one minute, then just plain enormous the next. The fascination, even the third time round, at my growing belly, and the astonishment at the growing breasts (seriously – did they get this big the other times??)
It’s beautiful. My body is doing exactly what it should be doing. If only I could find some clothes that reflected that!
My problem is I had off-loaded all my pregnancy clothes. I thought I was done with the stretchy skirts and the tops you could discreetly pop a boob out of, and had actually gotten to the stage where I was pretty damn happy with my wardrobe. I’d found my real sense of ‘me’ – I had a ‘look’ (or so I like to think), and I had a system that worked.
Sadly for my belly (and decision-making), most of that ‘look’ involved tight-waisted items.
And so, the exploration of what makes me really FEEL beautiful begins again.
Pregnancy and post-baby bodies can be a real shake up to our sense of self. Despite our best intentions, we all know that our identities are closely aligned to how we feel about our appearance. That’s just the truth of the matter. So as we accept that our bodies are different than what they used to be, so too do we have to accept that certain parts of our ‘look’ is changing too.
This is not about vanity. This is about feeling good about the changes that are going on right now. And the changes that will keep going on for me for atleast 18 months to come. There will be days when my expanding belly will fill me with wonder, and there will be days when the post-baby saggy belly will fill me with dread.
But I will not accept that this time round. I will not allow myself to get obsessed with the right clothes or the right look. I do not want to rush out and buy a whole new wardrobe again just to fit some ridiculous ideal of what I think I should be wearing, or how many different outfits I can appear in. Not this time.
This time, I want to focus on what makes me feel beautiful. Sexy. Gorgeous. Glowing. What makes me love my body and this time in my life. Love me. And that all comes down to figuring out what it is that makes me feel better than anything else.
For me – it’s accessories. Jewellery, hairstyle, shoes, a little eyeshadow. A handbag. A boho necklace. A statement ring. Nail-polish. Even when I am feeling bloated and hormonal, a really bright, gorgeous necklace and some colour on my toenails seriously makes me feel better. More feminine. More me.
(And thank goodness for the budget, these things are do-able!)
So I may be in the same black maternity dress for the next 6 months – I am coming to terms with that. What I know for sure is that by experimenting with the things that I know work for me, I can embrace what is happening to my body, and focus on feeling good.
Because it is all about what makes us feel beautiful. Shifting the focus from what we don’t have or what we can’t change right now, and letting go of the wish that we all had a Nina Proudman-style maternity wardrobe, and instead finding a way to nourish our inner-beauty. That goddess. That sexy Mama!!
Even in the same black dress everyday.
Do you know what makes you feel beautiful?
Much love, beautiful Mamas.